The Rollercoaster

We are now in waiting as Adam surgery has been bumped from the 22nd of February until March 16th.  It means another month of not being able to fully relax knowing that it is still coming so soon.  Our baby is still going to be put under, still going to have his chest cracked open, heart stopped and worked on.  Instead of the freight train ahead that we had at first mentally set ourselves up for.  Originally we had a week and a half in which we had finally got in the mindset, now we have a month so we need to slow down a bit and get everything in order for that day that will forever change our lives.  Little did we know that when we decided to have Adam we brought someone into this world that has a bigger purpose in his little life than most of us ever have in our entire lives.  All the studies he's a part of, every new medication and Dr's talked to, every surgery, procedure and even his recovery could help another family down the road, or many kids.  This will also pave the way for a child who has literally been to the brink, been through hell, come out the other end and can then choose to do great things for this world.  Adam's purpose and life on this planet could help those all around the World which is the one solice that we are keeping in our hearts.  As scary as it is for us, as awful as this is for Adam positive thoughts and knowing that there is a greater purpose will ensure that everything is ok.  Now all we need to do is wait, keep moving forward and come together and laugh as a family until that fateful day. 

Grade "A" Parenting

Soooo things have really started to pick up here and my heart and feelings haven't fully caught up with me yet.  Adam goes for his open heart surgery on February 22nd, which we found out only a couple days ago which is why it hasn't totally caught up to me yet.  Amongst all the craziness, finding out that Adam does for sure have Obstructive Sleep Apnea and will have to have surgery for that too we were asked to get his teeth checked for surgery as the teeth and the heart are interlocked.  I seriously felt so nervous over taking him to the dentist as it felt like the first major parenting report card.  As a parent of a toddler we are responsible for helping to shape their little minds, feed and water their little bodies and brush their teeth to prevent cavities.  It feels like if your child doesn't have a tooth issue and their mouth is full of cavities that you are graded as a crappy parent and get a lower grade per cavity.  I've never really cared about what people thought of my parenting as I know I'm great Mom. I spend time with my boy, we do crafts, play, puddle jump, have a date night and his great personality shows for it.  When it came to his teeth I cared because it could show a huge faulter in my parenting.  I was almost sweating I was so nervous it was a very strange feeling.  I'm sure I am far from the only parent who became veklemped over the idea of my child at the dentist and thinking oh god do not let me fail this test, I hate tests... I am so glad to say that we passed, Grade "A" all the way, we missed that "A+" due to the fact Adam has a soother still though not for long and his teeth should correct themselves.  Now to keep up the good work, keep Adam cold free for the next week and we're on to the biggest thing to happen in our entire lives.

My Dreams

At night before I fall asleep I think about what the future may hold.  I think of Adam growing up, what sports he may play, what activities he may be into and then usually it ends with me almost in tears.  I know all children't futures are so uncertain but it feels like Adam's is even more so.  Will he have equipment and medicines to keep him alive that will hinder him physically from what his heart desires? Will we have to constantly find other things that he may love?  How can we keep him feeling positive and keep enjoying life instead of feeling like life sucks, is unfair and owes him?  He is such a fantasic kid, has an amazing personality, great imagination, is really happy and so far doesn't think that he needs to be spoiled so I guess I will take it all in strides.  I just need to remember that this little man can help me build cities for Mommy Monster and Adam Monster to knock down, buildings to drive cars through, race cars, feed stuffy's, watch movies, hide and seek and do awesome crafts.  I get to be a big kid all over again, doing the craziest things, singing in stores, saying silly things and being able to do it without looking like a complete fool.  Or at least I feel like I don't look like a complete fool hahaha. I'm sitting here looking at my boy eating ice cream, watching Sponge Bob and is super happy.  It fills my heart with joy.