Seasons of change

Well of course lots of things have happened in the past month and a bit and adjustments have been difficult yet liberating.  Luckily lately Adam's health has been holding up.  There has been some days here and there with chest pains, crankiness and one with sore legs so I will take it.  I was nervous for his last echo due to him not doing well at all and now that we have changed his medication and he is no longer on Bosenten it is like having a different child.  I am looking forward to his echo this month especially after his Cath in February showed positive changes.  While his health is doing well at the moment his emotions have leveled off from his Dad and I separating.  It has been just over a month since I have separated from my husband and it has been a hard road especially since I made the decision to go our separate ways.  Things have started to adjust here, life is going on a straight road and it feels good.  My heart is lighter and I am moving forward not backwards on my journey.  I have been able to do things that I absolutely love and hear no judgement and the best part is that even if there is I don't care.  It feels good that when certain people try to put me down or make fun of me for the things I love that  it has no affect on my mood or my life.  I am embracing my inner geek, enjoying my time alone, watching ridiculous shows, staying in on weekends and connecting with my son.  I just get to breath, be myself and enjoy my life.  It is literally so hard to put into words how lifted and bright life looks.  There has been a lot of tears to get here, lots of inner questioning and anxiety and now it is nice to just start to let it all go.  Life is to be enjoyed and not wasted and I will do whatever I can to do that.  One thing about being a single Mom is trying to find balance for it all.  Having no family here really makes it hard to balance Momdem and Shannon though I am finding my way even if it is stealing time here and there for an hour at night.  The biggest thing is that I have to accept that I can't do it all and this house does fall apart because time with my boy and time to unwind is soooo important.  Watching Adam grow up so far has been amazing.  To see him counting is great, doing his letters and when he gets upset with something hearing him say Oh for goodness sake makes me laugh every time.  He is such a little adult already, 3 going on 18 that kid.  All I know is that if Adam and I keep travelling this road life will be good no matter the direction it turns in.  Time to look for swimming lessons because he keeps telling me that he is such a good swimmer from the last time we went lol. Watching him pop around in his life jacket makes me laugh still cause there he would be on his back screaming for help and I would have to turn him so he was face first in the water.... and then he would pop back onto his back and scream for help again and I was laughing cause it looked awful if someone didn't know he wanted to kick and blow bubbles hahaha Oh the things kids do, I promise I was not trying to drown him I fight far too hard to keep him alive to give up now :)