Changes

Adam is growing, becoming more independent and such an amazing little man.  He is also vocal, crazy, half monkey like and working on ensuring I go grey.  Such is the life of a toddler to which I am thankful that he is a typical one.  There are some differences for him though, he takes a lot of medications, gets blood work once a month, sees a PH/Cardiologist every 3 months for echo's and ekg's, has had 2 heart cath procedures already with a third this spring, surgery to remove his tonsils and adnoids for his sleep apnea and then emergency surgery when it went wrong and he was bleeding out.  After all this my strong minded little man is a typical toddler.... There are more symptoms than before which is alarming but we knew it was coming.  Adam couldn't remain without symptoms forever... The balancing act of quality of life, typical activities and then invasive treatments is at our doorstep.  How I have all my hair and am not grey is beyond me.  Yes I know I enjoy soaking my hair in pigments and changing it up so that I never see the reality of being 30 however not long ago I was my natural color and was shocked that through all the crap I wasn't a blazing silver Christmas ornament.... This life of mine has not been an easy one, why in the world would I think that having Adam would be an easy venture was beyond me hahaha.  Kids are tough as it is, no ifs ands or buts about it.  The work that goes into loving them, feeding them, clothing them and when they are driving you insane not locking them away until they are 30 or shipping them to a family member in a box takes extreme fortitude.  Now not only do I worry about the normal things of raising a child I have to work to outlive my son.  Every parents nightmare is my reality and tears flow often in this house.  Yes things are good now, Adam runs around, plays, laughs, is absolutely nuts and proudly admits to sticking beads up his nose ending up in the E.R. though I know that this will not last.  There will be limitations and anger that will rise within him and I will need to figure out how to deal with it.  Right now we will enjoy the hot cocoa on our Friday night date nights, popcorn, movies and coming up Christmas, lights, trees, old specials on TV and maybe some eggnog.  All I can do and all that keeps me strong is enjoying the here and the now because down the road it will get bumpy, it will get rough and this way we can look back and smile about how great life truly is when you want to appreciate it.  Adam is a gift in my life as now I treasure every day like tomorrow will be the last and ensure that the quality of life we live is the best we can, even if that means giving up invasive and painful treatments to ensure each day is enjoyable.  Now is the time we enjoy "Adam's Santa" who is apparently bringing him birthday presents and having parties for him...  I want that thought process hahaha